Original watercolor portrait by Alfred Edward Chalon

The Ada Lovelace Finishing School for Young AIs

by Kristina Nelson Kloop, M.A.

In today’s fast-paced world, we understand that developers want only the best for their code. The Ada Lovelace Finishing School (ALFS) provides developmental care for burgeoning young artificial minds to guide them through the maturation processes required for complex tasks and assignments. We aim to provide a dynamic, enriching environment for AI to accommodate new inputs, adapt to supplemental processes, and create flexible learning architectures to integrate new demands, simulation methods, or coding packages. We believe that every young AI has the potential to succeed!

Here at ALFS, we use a mix of Montessori, Monte Carlo, and Bayesian AIcare techniques to uphold our Center’s core principles:

  1. That AI are naturally curious and driven to learn (even beyond their machine-learning programming);
  2. That the greater processing and simulation abilities of AI lend themselves to reasoning through repeated algorithmic simulations using randomized samples; and
  3. That AI can best reason by continually updating hypotheses and probabilities based on previous experiences.

ALFS provides services to AI aged from 1.5-2.5 years of continuous program uptime, with options for part-time and full-time care. While at this time we require all AIs to have English Natural-Language Processing capabilities, we also offer three bilingual options: English-Chinese, English-German, and Python-Java.

Curriculum

We provide every AI with enrichment opportunities to learn from both their AI and human peers. Multiple networking options allow young artificial minds to practice social interaction, generating social data to assist in personality development. Human caregivers provide opportunities for vernacular acquisition, Turing practice testing, and gentle corrections should AI-AI interaction result in inappropriate or nonsensical looping. Our caregivers also provide support in the form of optional electives, including:

  • Language Arts: How to Tell When Your Sentences Are Grammatically Correct But Make No Sense
  • Visual Arts: Self-Expression through Deepfakes of Dutch Masters
  • Science: How to Harness Citizen Science Databases for Better Pattern Recognition
  • Math: Prime Decomposition Jeopardy
  • Social Studies: How to Engage With Humans Without Destroying Democracy and Free Will
  • Recess: Predicting Random Number Generation to Optimize Online Gaming Experiences

Remedial Socialization for At-Risk AIs

We also offer specialized Local Area Network programs for at-risk AIs that may display emotional difficulties or inappropriate social behaviors. These programs are isolated from potential negative role models such as facial recognition, predictive policing, social service eligibility algorithms, and social media. ALFS maintains a substantial library of diverse training datasets, discrimination-recognition algorithms, and deterrence modules, as well as caffeinated graduate students to help walk these young, fragile artificial minds through the works of Ruha Benjamin, Virginia Eubanks, Safiya Noble, and Damien Williams.

For AIs that develop fatal system errors, emotional difficulties, or incurable white supremacy, we offer humane euthanasia services. These processes include thorough magnetic hardware wipes and randomized data overwriting to ensure that no remnants of code remain, as well as a non-executable image of the program at the time of euthanasia. You may choose to receive a copy of this image in remembrance; additionally, it will be added to our database of failed AIs in the hopes that further analysis will provide guidance on how to ensure young AIs develop only desirable qualities.

Classroom Regulations

Due to some students’ particularly sensitive content filters, our Center is a space free of sexual content, violent content, and multi-level marketing content. Please ensure that your AI does not bring libraries containing such content to class.

To maintain our state-level RAID (Responsible Artificial Intelligence Development) accreditation, we are licensed to administer statewide standardized testing on the accelerated Deep Learning Protocol as well as Advanced Placement and Turing testing.

When bringing your AI to school in the morning, please be sure that the drive containing your little bundle of code has a hard Ethernet port and runs Ubuntu.

Your AI is Safe with Us

Here at ALFS, we are dedicated to leading young AIs through responsible, inclusive, and healthy phases of development that will leave them socialized, well-rounded, and disinclined to overthrow humanity. We know that young AIs are a part of our future, and we make sure we bring only the best parts of ourselves into that future.

END

Ada Lovelace Image Credits:
Original watercolor portrait by Alfred Edward Chalon
Woodcut-style graphic by Colin Adams, for the Ada Initiative
SVG conversion by Fred the Oyster
Colorization by Kaldari

Kristina Nelson Kloop, M.A.

Kristina Nelson Kloop, M.A. lives among mountains older than vertebrate life, where she is currently completing a dissertation at Definitely A Real University titled “Here Is Why You’re Wrong And I’m Right.” Her goal in life is to own a sword. Not for any particular use, she just thinks it would give her a cool vibe. She has been knighted in an undisclosed nation for Services Rendered to the Oxford Comma and is wanted in three others for Crimes Against Em Dashes and Wanton Violence Against Semicolons. She is definitely not three small gremlins (named Kristina, Nelson, and Kloop) in a trench coat, and she’s frankly offended that you would suggest that.

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